Feeling stuck? Five Steps For Circumventing Mental Barriers to Success.

By Dr. Alison Schmidt, CEO of unconvention

Whether professionally or personally (usually, a blend of both), high-level and highly stressed professionals will often encounter mental roadblocks or setbacks. They are not the same thing.

• Mental roadblocks can be emotional or psychological barriers which manifest in our thoughts, opinions, feelings, or attitudes toward others. They are often driven by fear, for example: fear of failure, fear of the unknown, fear of not being good enough. These roadblocks can appear in the form of poor communication, lack of resources, resistance to change, an unhealthy work-life balance, workplace politics, etc. They can also be something within yourself that is getting in the way of you achieving your goal. (Yes, you can be your own roadblock!)
  

• Setbacks, on the other hand, are obstacles or challenges that hinder our progress or cause a temporary regression in our mental health journey. These setbacks can arrive in various forms, such as personal triggers, external stressors, or unforeseen life events. Setback examples include an injury, job loss, having a bad day, or not getting a promotion.

Roadblocks/setbacks can be negative thought patterns rooted in self-doubt, over-generalizing, jumping to conclusions, and not validating our assumptions (meaning you are taking the assumption at face value). These assumptions can be so real to the individual that they become paralyzed within the roadblock/setback and unable to move forward. 

Setback situations can also simultaneously present roadblocks—for example, if your house burns down and you become overwhelmed dealing with your insurance company. 

As you observe your own thoughts and beliefs, here are some questions you can ask yourself that suggest you might be experiencing a mental roadblock or setback or both:

• Are you experiencing a lack of drive?

• Do you find it hard to make decisions?

• Are your creative juices flowing as they normally do?

• Are you feeling exhausted, overwhelmed, bored or complacent?

• Are you finding it hard to concentrate, reason or think clearly?

• Are you blaming others for how you are feeling or, conversely, are you denying that anything is wrong at all?

• Do you live life with limitations? Are you unable to move forward in certain situations and just want to give up? Are you only open to doing things your way? 

• Do you function in a silo or with tunnel vision? Is your unconscious bias showing? 

• Are you finding it challenging to make clear and decisive decisions?

• Are you not challenging yourself or do you have a fixed mindset where you are afraid to try new or difficult things due to risk of failure? Do you remain in the status quo because it feels safe?

• Do you live in a constant world of uncertainty? Did an action cause you to question someone’s agenda or mistrust their intention? Are you paranoid about the situation?

Some people may be afraid to look inward for the answers to these questions. They may fear they will discover something they don’t want to see, or at least anxious or embarrassed about any potential outcome. These fears—and resulting anxiety and/or depression—can make people resistant to change.

In reality, if you are struggling with a roadblock or setback (or both), it simply means that you are human—congratulations! We all experience these things. How we deal with them and move forward is what matters. 

It is also important to understand that not all roadblocks and setbacks are negative in nature. Many can, in fact, provide the impetus and fuel for positive growth and change. They can also make life interesting and/or meaningful, and can motivate you to make changes for yourself or your teams, to make tough decisions, and to lead with intention and impact.

The five steps below will give you the tools to understand what you are feeling, as well as determine whether you can self-assess or seek out professional help for your coaching needs. Note: they do not need to be taken in order, but should rather be viewed as ever-evolving. You may get to step 3, for example, then need to revisit step 2:

1. Identify: By writing, having conversations and/or journaling, reflect upon your behaviors, mood, reactions (or inaction), and any apparent triggers. 

Roadblocks and setbacks can be misunderstood/misinterpreted. As you explore to identify what is going on, you might find the root cause is something different altogether than what you were assuming. You may realize you, and not a situation, were the root cause. You could also discover that there are multiple root causes and not a single reason. So, ask yourself:

• Why are you feeling this way? Did someone provide you feedback about a situation? Did you react to a certain word or phrase, or a particular person? Did you have a life changing event, either personally or professionally?

• What feelings are you experiencing? Pay attention to any recurring thoughts, behavior patterns, and limiting beliefs you may be experiencing.

• What else is there to consider? What additional factors, internal or external, do you believe drove you here? (External factors could be market conditions, company culture, professional environment, or personal life.) Are you blaming others instead of self-reflecting?

• What do you believe is preventing you from reaching your highest potential and/or accomplishing your goals? 

2. Understand: Name the roadblock or setback. 

Understanding is the beginning to self-awareness. So, be honest with yourself. The more you understand, the more you will free up other feelings. Admittedly, understanding does not necessarily bring you peace--it can be painful or even temporarily paralyzing—but it can bring relief or ultimately empowerment or enlightenment.

• Assess your current situation and try to identify the source of the roadblock/setback.

• Seek feedback and support as needed to help with understanding the roadblock/setback you are experiencing. 

• Ask yourself how the understanding of the roadblock or setback made you feel. By understanding the feeling, you will be better equipped to own the roadblock/setback. 

• Was your root cause driven by a lack of support or lack of confidence?

• Were you overwhelmed, which led you to procrastinate? 

• Did this awareness make you angry, sad, joyful, or wake up an a-ha moment?

• Is your self-doubt a roadblock/setback/both in your circumstance? Does your self-doubt discourage comparison to your peers? Is their success truly taking away from you or is it a self-imposed assumption?

• Ask yourself how you got here.

• By understanding how you arrived at the roadblock/setback, you can begin to shift your mind and begin taking the steps to owning it and ultimately overcoming or adapting to it. 

• Allow yourself the grace and space to walk through the emotions and not retreat from them.

3. Own It: Address your level of involvement, whether it was partial or full responsibility. 

In most cases, the first response is “Why is this happening TO me?” instead of “Why is this happening FOR me?” One might need to seek support to assist with owning, getting a clear realization or even accepting the roadblock/setback. (Seeking a therapist, coach, talking to your spouse or significant other, friends, co-workers, boss, etc. can all be helpful. Your coaching strategists at unconvention are here to help.) 

This time of reflection can lead you to have feelings of empathy and even to begin to forgive yourself if you were the cause of the roadblock/setback. Owning the roadblock/setback is a way to reframe the root cause from the original assumption you made on how you arrived here. By taking ownership, you may have a breakthrough of visualizing new opportunities. Blame shifting and negative energy spent in the transformative process will move you in every direction but forward. 

• Accept the roadblock/setback. This is an important part of laying the groundwork and establishing a plan in order to overcome or adapt. 

• Consider journaling or brainstorming in order to explore options to get in control or manage the roadblock/setback by creating your accountability plan.

• Do not feel embarrassed; experiencing roadblocks/setbacks is a part of life, both personally and professionally. 

• Embrace the transformative period. Self-reflection and an energized focus can launch you to new heights. 

4. Manage/Acknowledge: Establish steps to overcome the roadblock/setback and not let it continuously be in control. 

• Look for learning and growth opportunities, considering alternative paths forward (coach, therapist or other support systems) and keeping an open mind during the process.

• Brainstorm multiple, realistic solutions. Follows the same theory as setting SMART goals (specific, measurable, attainable, realistic/relevant, timely).

• Be willing to change something. 

• Take baby steps. Don’t rush the process or plan.

• Reflect at each step of your plan so you do not fall back into the roadblock/setback.

• Stay focused on you and be cognizant to not compare your progress to others. 

• In order to remain focused and alleviate anxiety, replace negative distractions (such as smoking, eating or negative self-talk) with positive distractions such as meditation, exercising or stepping outside for some fresh air. 

• Accept the chaos that can occur while creating your accountability plan. 

• Allow time and space to recalibrate, redirect, and problem solve.

• Keep going and do not give up.

5. Overcome or Adapt: Seek alignment across the various elements you explored above as you begin to implement your accountability plan. Your accountability plan will evolve similarly to how you evolve as a person/leader.

• Adopt a growth mindset where you are able to see growth as well as quickly assess if you are having negative thoughts that are taking you off track.

• Prioritize self-care (mind and body). Bringing mindfulness to the forefront will allow you to focus on developing a more positive and stronger self both in your personal and professional life. 

• Continue to seek opportunities for growth and learning after you have gone through your accountability plan. This tool is at your disposal at any time that you encounter another roadblock/setback. It might not be the exact same scenario, but the approach would be similar. 

• Navigate roadblocks/setbacks with resilience instead of fear. 

• Expect that there are no easy answers in coaching; just like therapy, it takes a lot of hard work.

• Embrace being uncomfortable. Uncomfortable can be new and different. It is ok to be in this space instead of returning to old habits where you felt safe. Being uncomfortable can help you create a new safe place which benefits you more positively. 

• Value and embrace your efforts. We are not perfect and mistakes will be made along the way. Acknowledging those mistakes and pressing the reset button is good. It does not mean you have failed or that your accountability plan is not working. And you should start to see some immediate positive effects, simply from the actions and energy you are investing into these steps. 

Again, the five fluid steps of this accountability plan can be undertaken in any order, or even one continuous loop, which can have you return to the beginning multiple times. You might not make it through all of the five steps before you have to pivot back up and deal with the emotional chaos (positive and negative) that an earlier step can or may trigger. 

To help you ‘work’ these steps, try both to rely upon and remain accountable to your support network - coach, therapist, friends, co-workers and other growth minded people who are invested in your success.

And if you find yourself making excuses or unable to find the means to get through especially the first steps honestly, we invite you to contact us at www.unconventionllc.com/message-us so that we can work as a guide in your quest to move past limiting beliefs. 

Good coaching is not quick and painless, but can be an inspiring and motivating process. 

Kindly share your experiences in the comments section on how you overcame or adapted to your roadblock/setback. What worked well? What were some of your challenges and learning experiences? 

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